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So that she and I might have something to look back to, when you begin to ask the questions that will come. To the hard question that you will ask, “Why Daddy?” I have no answer. I don’t think that in my life time, anyone will be able to answer that one. Your lives may come and go too, before someone can at last explain. How do you begin to apply logic, or common sense, to such utter madness? Your father does not know. As I write you just three days after this horrific disaster, I have many unanswered questions of my own. And at this early date there is so much that remains unknown. But in trying to look ahead and prepare for the day that will come, the day that you sit on my knee and say, “Today we talked about the World Trade Center in school. What do you remember Daddy?” I know that I will tell you this, I was afraid. “Daddy afraid?” You ask. Yes children, and the fear that I feel today grows upon me like a small irritation in the eye. At first it is just an annoyance. But the. What had once been avery lonely existence, devoid ofany caring contact found menow seeking it out. To me initiallythere was nothing sexual aboutit. Quite simply comfort, andsomething to look forward to.Now when my father wasaround, maybe Buck moreintuitive then I, he’d keep hisdistance from me. Yet when we’dgo into the fields, barn or downby the creek, and always whenmy father wasn’t home it wouldalways start the same. A nuzzlehere, or a lick there, Buck quiteoften taking to bathing my bodyfully I quickly gaining a penchantfor having my armpits, bottomand especially my feet bathed. Tome there was nothing sexualabout it, yet in time I found thesoothing licks and bathing of mycunt brought on new sensations,and these most definitely sexualas after about a couple weeks ofthis I experienced my firstorgasm.I’ll never forget the day, up earlyas always fetched my father hisbottle him leaving me alone toohung over from his night before,and quickly made my way out todown by the creek where.
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